It was one and a half years back when I got my first ever tattoo.That time I had issues with depression and anxiety attacks , that made me to take a step forward and get myself a tattoo .I used to cry to my pillow every day and night, without even knowing the reason.
I started to fall apart. I was getting weaker and weaker emotionally by every passing day.I was unhappy with life. I was feeling ugly and worthless. As the days passed, I was falling infront of my eyes, and that made me to hate myself more. I thought I was the reason behind every bad thing that happened in my life.
I used to stand infront of the mirror and console myself. I felt, only I can make me come over this situation. I used to wipe my tears and stare at the mirror for long. I raise my hands and place it on the mirror, the reflection of me held my hand. That felt much better. But I hated me so much the next moment .
I wanted to make me stronger and believe in myself again. I wanted to live. I wanted to be happy. I didn’t wanted my days to just pass off by crying.
And one sudden day I had an inner calling and I decided to get my first ever tattoo.
I researched a bit about tattooing, and found a good tattoo studio near my locality. I took a prior appointment with the artist and went to get my first ever tattoo. I already had an outline of what to get on me.
I went on the day of appointment and we finalized on the tattoo design. I decided to get it on my side wrist of left hand.
Tattooing was painful for me. It felt like something is pricking on you deep in your bones constantly. It was not something unbearable though. I really felt like my emotional pain that was deep in me was being washed away with the physical pain I had.
The first thing I did after coming home was to stand in front of the mirror. I raised my hand . It said the initial letter of my name with a crown on it. I felt really special. I felt really confident on me. I felt that I deserved happiness.I felt that I am a valuable person. I had a huge rush of feelings.And above that I saw a smile on my face. What us more happier, than to see back your once faded smile.
The next one week was a painful period, physically .My left arm pained like hell. I had to take care of my tattoo. It was swollen too. I was taking care of it like a new born.I really felt a pleasure in taking care of it.
And after that I have never had an emotional breakdown every single day like the days before. I felt confident. I felt good about me I gradually started to believe once more on me. I had a different perspective about life and in my thoughts. I learned new things. I learned from my past. I happen to be the old me whom I missed badly.I was back to myself but a newer version. I am still in the way of betterment. But I have become a much better person.
My tattoo is like my every other organ. It is an addition that I presented myself. Now everytime I stand in front of the mirror, I smile.
Though sometimes I fall apart, I believe that I am gonna lift from this soon.
My tattoo have really inspired and motivated me. It helped me to start loving me once again. It is that one thing I can cling on during my happiness and sadness. I love my tattoo. It’s close to my heart. My lifeline.